We all dread them, yet they’re a part of our personal and professional lives that we can’t escape. Whether it’s addressing a conflict with a colleague, giving tough feedback, or discussing a sensitive topic with a loved one—these conversations are inevitable.
But here’s the thing: learning to have these conversations is a must.
Why We Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations
First, let’s talk about why these conversations feel so daunting.
Fear of conflict is the obvious answer. But it’s more than that. We fear damaging relationships, we fear being misunderstood, and we fear the emotional toll it might take on us and the other person involved.
But the most significant fear? The fear of vulnerability.
Having an uncomfortable conversation often means exposing our true feelings, admitting we’re hurt, or confronting someone else’s pain. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s scary.
For years, I avoided these conversations at all costs. I’d sweep issues under the rug, hoping they’d resolve themselves. Spoiler alert: they never did.
From A Professional Perspective
From a professional standpoint, avoiding uncomfortable conversations can lead to significant issues. In the workplace, this avoidance often results in unresolved conflicts, decreased productivity, and a toxic work environment. Employees may feel undervalued or misunderstood, and managers may struggle with underperformance that goes unaddressed.
I was guilty of this avoidance. I would shy away from giving critical feedback or addressing conflicts head-on. The result? Projects suffered, and team dynamics became strained. I realized that my reluctance to engage in these tough conversations was doing more harm than good.
A study by Crucial Learning formerly known as (VitalSmarts), a leadership training company, found that 95% of employees struggle to speak up to their colleagues and managers about their concerns, which often leads to larger problems down the road. The study highlighted that unresolved issues tend to escalate, causing frustration and disengagement among team members.
I learned the hard way that avoiding uncomfortable conversations is not a sustainable strategy. The consequences of inaction were too significant to ignore, and it became clear that I needed to change my approach.
To Give You A Personal Example
A remember a challenging phase when we working on a project with The D.I.C.E Group that seemed to be going wrong in all ways, the team was frustrated, and the blame game had begun. It was clear that something needed to be addressed, but I kept pushing it off.
Why? Because I didn’t want to deal with the fallout.
But then, my business mentor said something that changed everything:
“The discomfort you feel now is temporary, but the consequences of avoiding the conversation will last much longer.”
That hit home!
So, I took the plunge. I called a team meeting and laid everything out on the table. It wasn’t easy. There were tears, there were raised voices, but for the first time, everyone was being honest. We addressed the issues head-on, and though it was uncomfortable, it was also incredibly liberating.
The project didn’t miraculously fix itself overnight, but that conversation marked the beginning of a turnaround. More importantly, it marked the beginning of my journey to embrace uncomfortable conversations rather than fear them.
What I Learned
I’ve learned several lessons that have helped survive in uncomfortable conversations.
1. Preparation is Key: Before diving into a tough conversation, I now take time to prepare. I think about the main points I want to discuss, anticipate the other person’s reactions, and even rehearse what I’m going to say. This preparation helps me stay focused and calm, no matter how heated the conversation gets.
2. Listen More Than You Speak: It’s tempting to dominate the conversation, especially when you’re nervous. But I’ve learned that listening—really listening—can defuse tension and build trust. It shows the other person that you respect their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.
3. Embrace the Discomfort: This might sound counterintuitive, but I’ve found that leaning into the discomfort makes the conversation easier. Instead of trying to avoid the awkwardness, I acknowledge it. I might even say, “I know this is a tough conversation, and it’s uncomfortable for me too.” This honesty sets the tone for an open and authentic dialogue.
4. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame: In uncomfortable conversations, it’s easy to slip into blame game. But pointing fingers rarely leads to a positive outcome. Instead, I’ve learned to focus on finding solutions. What can we do to move forward? How can we prevent this issue from happening again? This shift in focus can turn a difficult conversation into a constructive one.
5. Follow Up: The conversation doesn’t end when the meeting does. Following up afterward is crucial to ensure that the discussion leads to real change. Whether it’s a quick check-in to see how the other person is feeling or a more formal follow-up meeting, this step shows that you’re committed to resolving the issue.
Why It’s Worth It
So, why put yourself through the discomfort? Why not just avoid these conversations altogether?
Because avoiding them only makes things worse.
Problems fester. Resentment builds. Misunderstandings grow. And before you know it, a small issue has become a full-blown crisis.
But when you face the conversation head-on, something amazing happens. You gain clarity, you build stronger relationships, load gets lighter and you actually grow as a person.
Your Turn
If you’ve been avoiding an uncomfortable conversation, I encourage you to take that first step. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Start by preparing. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Then, dive in. Embrace the discomfort and focus on finding a solution, not assigning blame.
And remember, you don’t have to do it perfectly. The important thing is that you’re trying.
